Saturday, September 8, 2012

[Story] It Can't Be... Chapter 7

Chapter 7: [The Truth?!]



“Now, tell me; do you love me?”

Dan keeps his mouth shut after hearing Brian’s question. He couldn’t think a perfect answer for it. Is he loves him? Or he just loves him as a good friend? He knows Brian because he is a scary prefect, that’s all. Never talk to him directly. Never being a friend or such. They just met for few weeks ago, after the incident at the school after recess. Then they become close. Too close, perhaps. Sometimes he wonders why would Brian come close to him like this, and do such things to him bluntly. At a moment he feels like running away from Brian, but most of the time he wants to be close to him. Even he is confused with his feelings. He and Brian both are man, there’s no such thing that two men would fall love towards each other, right?

He couldn’t give a reason. He closes his eyes, doesn’t want to make any eye contact to a man in front of him. Brian strokes Dan’s cheek. On that moment Dan’s heart pounding at fast rate again. He is beating fast because of that? Why? Why someone wouldn’t give him an answer? Dan screams desperately for answer in his mind.

“Dan…” a soft voice calls his name. Dan doesn’t respond. In fact he closes his ears. Doesn’t want that sweet voice enters his soul and paralyses his whole body. Brian gives a peck to Dan’s forehead. Dan just keeps quiet.

Brian moves away from Dan to give him some spaces. “It’s okay, you don’t have to give the answer now. Think wisely. But I just want to tell you that… I love you, since we met on that day,” after he says that, he makes a move to the exit.

Thud. The door closed. Dan still lies on the cold cement. But he doesn’t feel the coldness, just warmth that Brian left it on his forehead. After that tears come out from his eyes. He is shocks. Why he cries when Brian left him after saying that? He rises from the place and walks home. The whole journey feels longer than ever. Sometimes he has to stop at one corner and clenches his chest. He tries to take a deep breath but fails.

It hurts. A lot. Tears flow faster than ever.

Three days have passes. Dan checks his phone. Brian doesn’t give any messages or calls to him after the ball. He shrugs. Brian always gives him a message or something like that every day but now… He came back to Brian’s mother’s boutique to return the gown but he doesn’t see Brian at there. He did ask his mother about him.

“I don’t receive any call from him. What happened between both of you?” He doesn’t have any answer.

He too visits the cake shop that Brian works at. But he received the same answer as Brian’s mother. No one knows where he is right now. That worries Dan even more. Eyes are full with tears again. But he holds it back. Doesn’t want to get lost with tears once again. He takes a look at the prefect room, probably Brian stays there for a night. But there’s no trace that the place have been visited by anyone before him. So he wanders around the city. Then his feet stops. He is at the end of the city. The place where there is a huge green field across a yard. Then a flow of memories come knocking into his mind. This is the place that Brian asks him to become his partner at the dancing ball. And he faints after hearing that. Brian helps him from falls to the ground. He chuckles when he remembers their conversation after he wakes up from the faint. Then lastly this is the place when Brian…

The tears win. He lets out everything in front of the empty field. He feels lost. A great lost the he never experience in his life before. Just because of that particular man. He doesn’t understand himself. The emotions that he feels. Is it means that he loves him? Or he just feels empty without that man’s presence? He tries to wipe the tears but fails miserably when the tears come out from his eyes doesn’t even stop. He feels empty. He misses the man’s touches, the man’s strict words, and the man’s warmth that he feels when he receives a kiss. He misses everything about him. He lowers his head, trying to find a perfect word for his situation he suffers from.

Is this what they called love? Dan doesn’t know.

He hears a footstep behind him. He turns around with a hope that is the man that he has been waiting for. But he sees no Brian. He feels slightly disappoints.

“It’s you…”

It is Fay. And she is blushing after seeing him. He wipes the remaining tears on his cheek with his long sleeves. Fay just look at her feet, playing with her slippers.

“I’m worried about you. Elle says that you have been in a gloomy mood for several days.”

“Three. Three days,” he corrects her that makes Fay blushes again.

“Yeah. Umm…. What’s happening?”

“…”

“…”

Both of them remain silent. They watch the sun set at the west side of the world. Fay is about to leave Dan behind when he suddenly opens his again.

“Fay, how do you know when you’ve fallen in love to someone?”

That manages to make Fay flusters. She seems couldn’t answer that. It’s too subjective. But she tries to give her opinion about it that makes Dan appreciates it.

“Errr… for me, when you want to be by the person’s side everytime. It feels like you want to protect the person from having difficulties. Or anything in between.”

“Is it the same as the heart?”

“H-heart? What do you mean?”

“The heart beats faster when being by the person’s side. Is it in the between that you just mention?”

She stuns. Her hearts thumps faster than ever. This is it. She walks next to Dan and touches his hand. But Dan doesn’t stopping her from doing so. She’s not doing any harm to him anyway, Dan thinks.

“Y-yeah, something like that. Like now…” she brings Dan’s palms to her chest. Dan staggers.

“What are you doing?” He jerks his hand form Fay’s chest, shocks with what just happened.

“Can you feel it? My heartbeat. It beats fast. Do you know what that means?”

“… Do you…?”

“Yup. After you faint at library. I never realize this before, but when you faint before my eyes, I feel some kind of lost. And I worried so much,” she lowers her head.

“I don’t know about this before…”

“Kind of. But you know it now. So?”

“What?”

“What is your answer?”

“Oh.”

Dan scratches his forehead. This is tough. He is thinking about his feelings towards Fay before meeting Brian. Fay always is by his side since then. And he too has a fond feeling to her ever since because of her kindness and such. But then… his mind filled with that person. ARGH!

He steps away from Fay. She startles with Dan’s action. “I need to think first,” Dan tries to give an excuse. She shrugs.

“Why? Don’t you love me too? I can see it in your eyes.”

“Just give me a minute,” Dan says with firm voice that makes Fay embarrasses.

He crouches at the edge of the field where he fainted on that day. He rubs his arms to ease his mind. Should he accept Fay in his life? If she asks him earlier, he would give his answers directly to her. And both of them would be happily ever after. The end of the story. But now he has mixed feelings. Should he follow his heart? He stares emptily at the field. Seems like he’s having a conversation with the grass and birds there.

‘Hey grass, what should I do? Hey bird, what should I tell her?’

‘Just tell her what you feel.’

‘She probably accepts everything right now.’

‘Really?’

‘Don’t know. We’re a figure of your own mind. We think what you think.’

‘By the way, humans are very complex matter.’

‘Thanks for the ‘advice’ guys,’ he sighs. Representing his own feelings as the grass and the bird isn’t helpful. He needs to think smart. He stands up. Whatever the answer it is, he needs to take care of two hearts; his and Fay’s.

He walks slowly to where Fay is standing right now. Now he has an answer. He looks straight to her face. And smiles.




[author's note: And the next one is the final!]
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